I was ashamed. After I had been whining about a page last
night disrupting my sleep, I met a most amazing woman. I made a house call to
see a bedbound lady this morning, Mrs. D. She has been essentially
non-responsive with end stage dementia for almost 4 years. And her daughter-in-law, Denise, has been caring
for her at home as they say, 24-7. Because Mrs. D is completely paralyzed, she
is at high risk of developing bed sores. But for 4 years in Denise’s care, she
has not had one bed sore. This could ONLY be achieved because every 2 hours day
and night Denise turns Mrs. D, changes her diaper and massages her skin. EVERY
2 hours for the last 4 years. That is 17, 480 times! (Ok, maybe her husband and
teenage kids have helped a few times a week, so maybe she has only done it
16,000 times.) That’s just one of the many acts of caregiving she
fulfills!
The dedication to perform the physically exhausting and
repetitive tasks involved in this level of caregiving is clearly the outward
expression of an incredibly deep love and compassion. Denise’s husband is
thankful but she doesn’t get any thanks or any response really from the patient
or the patient’s other children. Don’t all of us deep down dream about being
loved that unconditionally? WOW!
The crazy thing is, there are hundreds and thousands of caregivers
like Denise. They are invisible to most of the world as they are confined to
their homes full time or working in institutions like nursing homes that most
people try to avoid at all costs. Just as you might not think about the
components of your car that keep it functioning, you likely don’t recognize the
importance of these caregivers—they may not be very visible but they really are
the cogs in the engine of love and life.
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